Two years ago today my beloved Bobby left my life and went into the arms of angels. This left a gap in my life that would overwhelm me to a degree I didn't expect. It ripped a part of my life away and left it empty and dark. As much as I tried to be strong and brave it just wouldn't happen. The loneliness was overwhelming. The simple act of doing anything that we would have shared was crushing to my heart. In 2 years much has changed and somethings have not. I miss him terribly. His laugh, his dry humor, his advice, his love. In their place now where these memories live is sad sometimes and at other times I will smile and laugh over our memories. As I sit here now as tears roll down my cheeks and I'm filled with grief. I try to keep these intense feelings in the back of my mind and go threw life just letting them skim the edge of my reality.
I have to move on and that part seems harder some days than others. Getting "stuck in grief" isn't a position I'd want. My family and friends tell me I'm doing so well and I know in my heart I am. I can move forward and start this next part of your life. I can change things and have a different outlook on my future. The one thing that won't change is my love for Bobby. He will always have a special place in my heart.
The "plan" I had for my future has changed too. At the age of 61 I'm starting over in many ways. The fear of that crushed me the first year. It is better now, for I can "see" a new path. I didn't know how quickly life can change, in the blink of an eye everything is different. It makes me almost feel foolish to think of long term plans any more. This puts a different spin on daily activities and making long term plans - well I just don't do that anymore. I look for and very often find happiness in each day, each moment.
My happiness now comes from family and friends and my creative self. I can get lost in my creativity and so enjoy the results. I have thrown myself back into my jewelry making, and art at the level I was 3 years ago. I need that part of me back now.
In creativity there is life and happiness
for those who create and those
who appreciate the creations.
This new series of small paintings are called
"My Home Town"
The Tennessee state flag, state bird and soon the state flower.
These are available in my etsy shop.
More will be added shortly
Back to my bench to hammer and create