Saturday, December 12

Awaking of My Creative Self

After many months of not having any creative self I slowly started doing things again. I missed that part of me. My creative side has always gotten me threw hard times. It gives me hope and makes my heart happy. I knew I'd have to push myself to get back to where I wanted to be, but I needed that part of me back. I got out a quilt I'd put aside and tried to finish it, but it just seemed to lay on the machine for days with no attention. I would look at it and think I need to finish that but it just didn't happen. I'd lay beads on the jewelry bench and sit and look at them too. Just had a very hard time kick starting myself.

I did sew a little but still had no desire to make the type of projects I once enjoyed. I knew I needed to just make a simple quilt. So I got out these 4 blocks I had picked up at a yard sale.  It helped me to get me sewjo back in motion. I sat it aside and started cutting fabric to make a quilt for a present and got the top and back made. A few days later something kind of wonderful happened.

A friend of mine told me she wanted to sell her sit down long arm! I'd wanted one for ever and this seemed a once in a life time chance since she was willing to let me make payments. So I said yes and her hubby brought the machine by and set it up for me the next day. I was quite in awe of it. It was such a beautiful thing. So the quilt I'd just finished was quickly basted and off I went to get to know this wonderful creature that was now a part of my sewing world.

Since this was my fist quilt to be on the machine I just did what ever to get the feel of the machine. I didn't bast this little table topper except put a pin in each corner and about 5 in the center. I didn't think it would need more since I wasn't going to be squished up to push threw the small space in my home machine. No more of what I called fighting the octopus. 

When I was done quilting I did something I've never done and ripped it off the Husqvarna the trimmed the edges and put the binding on that day! It was done. I was amazed how short of a time it took. 

I had one other quilt, a bed runner that the top was ready and I did the back in record time just to get it to the quilting point, cause I couldn't wait to use the quilter again. 

This quilt had even less basting done. The pins were a good 8" apart. I'd always done about 3" max before. I started to relax and really get into the flow and concentrating on the quilting patterns on this quilt. The machine has a stitch regulator but I've not tried it yet.

I'm getting more comfortable with the quilter and can't wait to try more designs. 

I did notice that my art was changing too. This first drawing was done while I was still in my black and white world. It is called "How My Heart Works" and shows how I was dealing with stress during that period. The mechanics of this machine show how my stress was vented off into steam and smoke and what things in life I needed to make me happy. 
My faith in God, My friends and family and my creative self. 

More recently my drawings changed and color and the details I love were once again back. 
This drawing has many meanings to me. It's based on strength and my love of my mother. 

My beautiful Mother was the strength of our family and she gave us all her support in our lives that I continue to use to this day. I guess it's may seem strange for a Bee of all things to mean strength. I'm so very scared of them. 

One day while at my mom's she was showing me her garden and flying around her tomato plants were these fat bumble bees. I stepped back and tensed up and she just put her sweet little hand towards them and said "You fly away you are scaring my Royce", so calming was her voice that I knew there was nothing to fear. So the bee it's self became a symbol of that courage she passed on to me. Her love of her family was brighter than the sun and just as warm. She gave us so much that I carry threw my life. I miss her dearly and know that she is why I am the person I am today. 

Tuesday, December 8

Emerging from a Dark Place

As some of you may know on May 18th of 2014 I suffered a great loss. This sent me into a dark place. A place of confusion, fear, self doubt and depression. That was a big hole that proved very hard to crawl out of. At one point I though I could see the top, but slipped and was surrounded by it all once again. I'm not saying I've overcome all this but the daily dealing with it has become easier. Things look more positive and I'm thinking of the future once again. I had no idea how hard it would be. Few people know the depths I sank to. Coming out and saying this isn't easy either. I've always hid my negative emotions and only
share the good side of things. Now in an attempt to come into my new life I want to share it in this blog once again. 

During the first 9 months or so I stopped sewing/quilting and did little jewelry design. The only thing I felt like doing was drawing, and I did a lot of that. I guess it was a therapy of sorts. I poured out my inner emotions on paper. For months the drawings were in black and white. The drawing below was me missing my little dog, who had to be put down a month prior to my husbands death. Suddenly it was very quite and lonely in the house. 

So in time I started getting used to the empty house, the quite and the loss of my old routines. For a long time I just didn't know what to do with the extra time. I didn't want to create, go places or even think too much. After many months things started to change and new things started taking the place of the old. I am still not as organized as I used to be but working on it. Hopefully restarting my blog and reopening my Etsy shop will give me things to work towards. I know things won't come back to where they were, that life is gone. I do hope to now form a new life and see what it will bring to my future.